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In the latest of my utterly bizarre dreams, my sister and I were some sort of demon fairies on a mission to do some magical gobbledegook for official End of Times business. But we looked exactly like regular people, except for some flickering behind the eyes. In order to complete our business, we required a safe space outdoors or a room with a large south-facing window. We also required lots of food. The other equipment we already had. Unfortunately, due to other official End of Times business, outdoors wasn't really shaping up to be the best workspace with 70 mph wind and sinister green sky, and we were deprived of the necessary funds to legally acquire a room with a large south-facing window or lots of food. Fortunately, since it was the End of Times, we didn't figure these hurdles were that important. So, as we were walking around looking for suitable spaces, we casually stole the candy and snacks and so on that people keep in opportune places. We went into a hotel and magically unlocked random rooms to see if they were suitable. They generally weren't, until we came to the pool room attached to a large lounge area, with floor-to-ceiling windows on three sides, including south. It was perfect. So we set up shop on an unoccupied couch near the corner and got to work--we had a contraption to set up to facilitate the opening of a Mystical Portal, which was probably going to rain fiery death over the land, or else let in some immortal ruler, who knows?
The only drawback from our perspective was the friendly humans. You see, friendly humans can get curious about and interfere with demon fairy business, and if they get too close, they can recognize us, or just get contaminated with demon fairy magic and spontaneously combust. And humans nowadays are trained to recognize when they have been contaminated; it's a public health mandate. So, some random girl comes over from the other side of the room to see what we're up to. She pokes around for a bit. She says chatty things. She eats one of our cookies. She gets contaminated. She realizes what has happened, recognizes what we are and that we're probably up to no good, and does the only sensible thing--she breaks through a window and runs out into the howling wind in search of a fire hydrant. We see she is starting to glow on the edges. Now everyone in the room is staring out at her, and at us. We try to blend in, staring around in mock-confusion and fear, but we also pick up the pace with the portal contraption. As soon as another human gets up from his table and starts walking in our direction with a less friendly look on his face, all bets are off. We cram as much energy into ourselves as possible in seconds, littering the floors with candy wrappers. My sister melds her hands into the portal to complete the necessary spells, while I get up to intercept our visitor. I don't want to hurt him or contaminate him or anything like that. I just want him to leave us alone long enough to welcome the demon overlords from beyond the portal. Is that so much to ask?
The only drawback from our perspective was the friendly humans. You see, friendly humans can get curious about and interfere with demon fairy business, and if they get too close, they can recognize us, or just get contaminated with demon fairy magic and spontaneously combust. And humans nowadays are trained to recognize when they have been contaminated; it's a public health mandate. So, some random girl comes over from the other side of the room to see what we're up to. She pokes around for a bit. She says chatty things. She eats one of our cookies. She gets contaminated. She realizes what has happened, recognizes what we are and that we're probably up to no good, and does the only sensible thing--she breaks through a window and runs out into the howling wind in search of a fire hydrant. We see she is starting to glow on the edges. Now everyone in the room is staring out at her, and at us. We try to blend in, staring around in mock-confusion and fear, but we also pick up the pace with the portal contraption. As soon as another human gets up from his table and starts walking in our direction with a less friendly look on his face, all bets are off. We cram as much energy into ourselves as possible in seconds, littering the floors with candy wrappers. My sister melds her hands into the portal to complete the necessary spells, while I get up to intercept our visitor. I don't want to hurt him or contaminate him or anything like that. I just want him to leave us alone long enough to welcome the demon overlords from beyond the portal. Is that so much to ask?
The River Hypnos
Stroke follows stroke. Wave follows ripple. I am about to capsize, but don't. (When you travel the River Hypnos, you will eventually sink beneath the torpid waters and enter into its eternal sleep. The only question is how, and when.) My journey begins in a one-person kayak. At the wellspring, the river is small, a barely navigable stream. But then a tributary joins, and then another, and another. Soon the River Hypnos is a river indeed. The waters are deep and mostly calm, but punctuated by steep cataracts. The river is peopled by many other boats. Some are in the same kayaks as I, but many take larger rafts. (The proper selection of watercraft is very important when traveling the River Hypnos. Too large and the keel will crack over the cliffs of the cataracts. Too small and you will sink alone into tide as the river eventually widens into its estuary.) I pass the first few rapids with ease. The problem is not the rapids, though; it is after the rapids when hordes of shipwrecked
Thief of Dreams
A long-in-coming addition to my ongoing series of interesting dreams... A creature from long ago and far away fell to Earth in the dead of night. It was small, and weak, and formless. It flitted along the gravel of an empty country road until it found the shadow of a tree, then fence, then house. It waited. The trouble started not with the neighbors but with a neighborhood dog. He was a friendly fellow, bit and white and fluffy. One week he started barking madly at cars rolling by, growling at pedestrians, nipping at his owners. Then, mysteriously, he was gone one morning. Must have slipped his collar and jumped the fence. Ernest first learned of the trouble when John called him after lunch on a Saturday, completely incoherent. He drove over straight away and let himself into the house. John had locked the front door and pushed an armchair piled with weights from his exercise room up against it making entry somewhat difficult. John's couch was also out of place, halfway through the
On the Many Uses of Dynamite
In honor of my uncle who was a great storyteller and died today, here are two of my favorite stories he used to tell. It might not occur to the younger generation that the little general store that every small town used to have on the corner used to hold a lot more interesting and useful oddments than it does now. Nowadays, your local stores have largely been replaced by the big boxes of the modern consumerist economy, and the ones that are left are much more specialty and antique-y than they are general. Before the advent of the likes of Wal-Mart, however, the general store had not only dry goods and cleaning supplies as found in modern convenience stores, but also local crafts, tools and hardware, sausage, lamps, farm and garden equipment, fireworks... and dynamite. This last was a favorite of my uncle's and did not, at the time, even require a permit for purchase. My uncle was a large, tall policeman but also worked the family farm where my mother grew up. If major jobs needed
Midnight in Number 9 Grimmauld Place
It's been awhile, but here's another little dream story:
Brigit was very lucky, she knew. She was visiting London with her family for a brief sight-seeing and book-buying trip, and she was staying at the very same bed and breakfast as the most famous wizard in the world! The Harry Potter, now nearly 70 years old, had been renting rooms with his wife at Number 9 Grimmauld Place for several months now, the two celebrities had informed Brigit's parents at the breakfast table a couple days ago. While their house down the road was undergoing renovations. There was a particularly unpleasant painting that was proving difficult to extract, apparentl
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I seem to remember having one that was sort of similar recently, but I don't remember the details...